kelakar....

BAB 1
Mamak dapat anak

Suatu hari sedang Ali minum teh di gerai Mamak yang biasa dikunjunginya,
tiba-tiba Mamak gerai tersebut bersorak gembira
dan terus datang kepadanya

Ali: Apa yang suka sangat Mamak ni?
Mamak: Saya bini juga surat India mari.
Ali: Apa dia cakap? Tentu good news....
Mamak: Dalam dia punya surat ada cakap sudah beranak. New baby!Ayo.... saya banyak suka hati la. Saya belanja awak free minum jugak!
Ali:Tahniah! Mamak. Ini kena balik India cepat ni?
Mamak:Ya la, saya sudah tiga tahun tarak balik.
Ali: Lerrrrrr.??? ??...kalau 3 tahun tarak balik tu anak siapa? Hahahaha

BAB 2
Cium Isteri

*Pada suatu pagi, bertanya si isteri pada si suami:*
*Isteri :Abang tengok jiran kita yg baru pindah tu?*
*Suami :Kenapa?*
*Isteri :Tiap pagi sebelum pergi kerja, suami dia akan cium isterinya. Bila pulang*
*kerja, dia akan berikan isterinya sekuntum bunga mawar. Loving betullah*
*mereka. Kenapa abang tak buat macam tu?*
*Suami :Nak mampus... Mana abang kenal isteri dia?'*

BAB 3
*Cara Bunuh Setan*

Suatu petang selepas pulang dari kuliah agama di surau si isteri menceritakan apa yang didengarnya dalam kuliah tersebut kepada suaminya. 'Abang, abang nak tau tak, ustaz kata bila suami dan isteri itu bersatu/bersetubuh kan bang, dengan cara yang betul dan menjaga syarat yang betul maka pasangan tersebut akan mendapat pahala sama seperti membunuh 10 ekor atau beberapa ekor...

专家建议火箭将两将换猫王 称华莱士可助休城冲冠

北京时间10月19日，《red94》专栏作家考纳-温尼发表文章，建议火箭队在中期交易市场上考虑用巴蒂尔和布鲁克斯打包，与山猫队交换杰拉德-华莱士。
美媒体在分析火箭队与山猫队这项交易的可行性时认为，首先双方在这项交易当中薪资方面是匹配的，而且通过这样一桩交易，山猫队可以得到一名他们急需的实力强劲的控卫，山猫主帅拉里-布朗又很欣赏篮球智商高的老将球员，他应该会愿意引进巴蒂尔。
美媒体分析指出，通过与山猫队进行交易，火箭队引进杰拉德-华莱士之后，他们可以在侧翼得到一名攻防能力均相当全面的球员，这样一名球员可以为姚明、斯科拉和凯文-马丁拉开场上进攻空间，而且经过这样一番运作，火箭队还可以减少他们之前对控卫球员在得分方面的过度依赖，将更多攻击重心转移到姚明、马丁和斯科拉等其他几个点上。
美媒体认为，经过上述一番运作之后，火箭队送走布鲁克斯，这样他们就可以让洛瑞顺理成章地上升到先发控卫位置，这样他们可以增强控卫位置的防守实力。虽然失去巴蒂尔对火箭队的领袖能力和职业精神方面会是一种损失，但是杰拉德-华莱士的整体能力比巴蒂尔要更强，这对于球场之上的火箭队战力来说是一种升级。杰拉德-华莱士上个赛季在他的位置上数据是可以排在全联盟第七位的球员，另外他的篮板球也相当出色，上个赛季场均贡献10个篮板球可以排在全联盟小前锋之首。
火箭队如果能够引进杰拉德-华莱士，他们的整体防守实力也会提升，虽然巴蒂尔的有些防守作用很难以数据体现出来，但是杰拉德-华莱士对于球队防守端的功效却是显而易见的。让杰拉德-华莱士与洛瑞联手担任先发，那火箭队的后场整体实力会有明显的提升。
对于火箭队来说，要放走巴蒂尔和布鲁克斯或许是很难做出的一个抉择，但是洛瑞完全可以顶替布鲁克斯在控卫位置发挥作用，而且通过与山猫队的交易，火箭队在小前锋位置上又进行了升级，这对于火箭队来说绝对是一件好事。火箭队如果能够做成这样一桩交易，让他们最为薄弱的小前锋位置实力得到增强，这或许他们才会真正具备冲击总冠军的实力。

Afghanistan - and 10 other debates Australia needs to have

Afghanistan - and 10 other debates Australia needs to have

Although no vote is expected at the end and the government's military policy will not be determined by the outcome of the MPs' speeches, it is still a chance for the issue to be debated and the mood of the nation to be guaged.
But if this is the start of the "new politics" in Australia - what other major issues or problems should we demand our politicians debate, and maybe even solve?
Here's a starter list of things that we think the Parliament could be discussing as a priority this week. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments section:
1 - Closing the gap
For too long confined to the too-hard bin by both major parties, the living standards of Indigenous people in Australia has never been anything to be proud of. Currently, our Indigenous people can expect to die 17 years before their non-Indigenous counterparts.
2 - Suicide rates
Take the amount of Australian soldiers that have died in Afghanistan, multiply it by 100 and you have the amount of people who die in suicide every year in Australia.
3 - Housing affordability
Australia has some of the most expensive real estate in the world, and with construction of new homes lagging well behind what's required to accommodate the combined factors of baby boom, "Big Australia" and immigration, it's not going to get any easier without the Government stepping in to get the market under control.
4 - National Broadband Network
Australians "enjoy" broadband speeds that are well below virtually all of the rest of the Westernised world. As of late 2009, we chug in at #15 on the world broadband map, with speeds 12 times slower than leader Japan and almost 20 times more expensive. But is it worth spending $43bn on speeding it up?
5 - The dollar
The strong Aussie dollar may make shopping online or going overseas cheaper but it isn’t all good news. Exporters will find it harder to compete as the relatively cost of our goods become more expensive and our local travel industry will take a drubbing as the Aussie dollar deters visitors from coming down under.
6 - Cost of living
Grocery prices, power, water - the list of services and basic needs that seem to be getting more expensive at a rate outstripping our wages grows daily. Or does it? Is it all in our minds?
7 - Obesity
Australia consistently ranks as one of the fattest nations in the world. This has potentially catastrophic consequences for the national health system. Are we doing enough to shape up?
8 - Alcohol-related violence
Anyone who has been out on a weekend night in an Australian city will have borne witness to this problem. The Australian Institute of Criminology says a conservative estimate is $1.7 billion in terms of the economic cost of alcohol-related violence; the social cost is estimated $187 million. The real cost is probably many multiples higher in terms of lost productivity and healthcare.
9 - Transport
It seems to take us longer to get to work every year. In NSW, the Keneally Government scrapped a 10-year, $50 billion CBD Metro project. Melburnians are swearing at the new Myki system. In Brisbane, the $3bn Clem7 tunnel is looming as a financial disaster. Who is responsible for crippling our commute and where are the long-term visions?
10 - Environment and climate change
Last, but by no means least, is how we deal with climate change in Australia. The country that once "rode on the sheep's back" is facing the double hit of extreme weather and having to pay increased taxes to fix the problem. Our mining industry claims being forced to pay an unreasonable share of the cost will put thousands of Australians out of work. How can we balance looking after the environment with looking out for Australian families?

12 MAUT KEMALANGAN DI REMBAU – BAS HIMPAP KERETA

12 MAUT KEMALANGAN DI REMBAU – BAS HIMPAP KERETA




Aku rasa korang ada tengok berita ni dekat TV tadi ataupun ada kawan korang sendiri yang bagitau korang pasal kemalangan ngeri dekat highway Rembau ni.

Malang sungguh nasib diorang, tapi nak buat macam mana. Kita hidup sebelum mati dan mungkin Allah lebih menyayangi mereka. 2 buah bas, sebuah van, 3 buah kereta!

Aku ucapkan takziah kepada ahli keluarga 12 orang yang maut tu walaupun mayat tu semua masih belum dikenal pasti masa aku tulis post ni.




Berdasarkan pembacaan aku pasal kemalangan ni, aku buat hipotesis yang driver salah sebuah bas ni bawak laju sangat. Driver bas sekarang ni memang laju-laju wey. Dah macam lumba haram dah aku rasa.

Orang cakap jadi driver bas ni kalau nak masyuk, diorang kejar trip. Lagi banyak trip lagi banyak gaji dia. Hmmm.. Siapa yang tak buat salah kan. Mintak-mintaklah lepas ni driver bas lain ambil pengajaran daripada kes ni.